PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
