Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
now i know why i became what i already was.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
