I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
