Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
