i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
