I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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