The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
