I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
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I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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