ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
