my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
