Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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