Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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