So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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