My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
