Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
