He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize