Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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