You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
