guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
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