i think my mom watched the whole time
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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