You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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