I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
