i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
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I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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