TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
