So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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