Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
