thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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