Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
