Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
