That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
