I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize