I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
