well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
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Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
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At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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