when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
