she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pop tarts are not kleenex
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Randomize