But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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