Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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