you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
