Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?

(1-703): View more from Virginia

yes

(703): View more from Virginia

... don't judge me

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(757): View more from Virginia

I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome

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(386): View more from Florida

Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.

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(214): View more from Texas

The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?

(419): View more from Ohio

That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.

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(631): View more from New York

It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina

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(206): View more from Washington

Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.

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