That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
