I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
