dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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