I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
