All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It was confusing and full of hummus
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
