You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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