Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
