the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Say something about gay babies.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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