Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
