im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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