Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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