If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize