Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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