if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
