So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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