Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
