after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
