i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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