My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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