i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
