Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
