Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
