The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I am one with the molecules
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
