The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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