Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize