I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
