Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
