I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
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He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
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It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i think my cat just said my name.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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