he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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