Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
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she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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