i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
