Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Green mimosas i think yes
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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