well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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