i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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