did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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