what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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