When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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