UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
