If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
