I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Mom said you looked used
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
