I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
